Hey it's DK,
I've heard this or some version of it from more men than I can count:
"Every time I try to express my emotions to my wife she shuts down. And I know it'll be about 2 weeks before we'll have sex again! What the hell is up with that?!"
Why can't she accept me and my emotions like I'm supposed to accept hers? Why can't she have a little compassion and show support for ME sometimes?"
Now before I go on, take a deep breath. Every time I explain how a man's vulnerability can mess up his sex life someone ends up getting pissed off and calling me a misogynist or God knows what.
Hear me out:
When you cry, whine and bitch about your feelings, At a subconscious level, women can't help but perceive it as "weakness." It disgusts them.
And it's not just me saying it:
Dr. Brene Brown's work has revealed, many women get really uncomfortable when their man is showing excessive emotion or vulnerability.
They can experience it as an immature, boyish energy.
And that can make them feel unsafe, nervous, angry or disgusted.
One man's wife said, "You're acting just like a little boy, and I don't want to have sex with a little boy!". Dayuum.
That's a hard dose of reality, but it points to a very real dynamic:
Your wife's sense of emotional connection, relaxation, and attraction to you are directly related to how you and your masculine energy show up.
The "polarity" required for attraction and arousal means her feminine energy needs to find something "other" in your masculine energy. That "other" is something more grounded, stable and predictable. That "other" is confidence and emotional resiliency.
Like I always say, you are the rock, she is the waves crashing on the rock.
And if you have a habit of frequently expressing unresolved and unchecked emotions to her, she may listen...but she may also feel like your mother - not your lover.
That is very bad. She'll throw your sex life right out the window right after emotional intimacy and respect.
Look, I get it. Maybe you're upset and you need to talk.
It's OK. I have many times.
But the last thing you want to do is go crying to her.
It won't help your case. It won't give you more connection. And for the love of all that's holy, it will not bring back lost attraction.
Only being a man who's not dependent on her for purpose and emotional stability can do that.
YOU need to remain a pillar of strength.
So what do you do when you are having an emotional shit attack and really need to talk to someone?
Take it to your tribe of men.
Bring it to us.
What is the best way to do that? Jump into The Alpha Shift, take the course and become a part of the community. In the comment sections for all the videos, you can ask questions, interact with each other and with me.
This is my invitation for you to invest some time and energy in yourself.
You need some serious support as you become the strong man that your woman (and every woman) has always fantasized about.
The other option is to comment below and ask me about your problem directly. I can try to touch on it in a future article.
Set yourself up for success.
The game is on!
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