Being nice won't make up for a lack of leadership.
The Mendoza Line is an expression in baseball deriving from the name of shortstop Mario Mendoza, whose poor batting average is taken to define the threshold of incompetent hitting.
The cutoff point is most often said to be .200 (although Mendoza's career average was .215) and, when a position player's batting average falls below that level, the player is said to be "below the Mendoza Line."
This is often thought of as the offensive threshold below which a player's presence on a Major League Baseball team cannot be justified, regardless of his defensive abilities.
The term is used in other contexts when one is so incompetent in one key skill that other skills cannot compensate for that deficiency.
...It's like the cutoff where you suck so bad at something that your skills in other areas simply do not matter.
This is a newsletter about men becoming better more whole and happy so they can show up and be the masculine leaders that they were meant to be.
So you can imagine where I'm going with this...
Where is The Mendoza Line drawn in your life?
What one thing do you, as a man, suck at so bad that nothing else you may do can ever make up for it?
I know this question sounds harsh but look around you. Listen to your woman. Pay attention to your woman, how she responds to you, what she thinks of you.
Does she behave like she's annoyed with you or you disgust her?
Do your kids respect you? Friends? Coworkers?
The great thing about the people in our lives is they serve as a wonderful mirror into ourselves.
So, where are you hitting below 200?
If you're like the majority of modern men, your confidence, your masculinity, your assertiveness, your personal power are probably all below The Mendoza Line.
And it may not actually be your fault.
We live in a world that has empowered women at the expense of men (and very much at the expense of women as well). Men are emasculated in the media, in TV programming, in commercials, in social media - it's everywhere.
And it's been building since the '60s. I'm not going to go into a history lesson, but to quote Billy Joel, "we didn't start the fire."
We didn't create this mess. It isn't our fault. But it IS our responsibility to play the hand we've been dealt.
In my personal coaching practice, I guide people to play life as a game. It's so much better and less stressful to think of life as a game. Try it. Have fun. And know that even if you're currently losing, you can always win.
So take a look at how your wife is treating you. Where are you losing at life? Where is your batting average below 200?
Is she bitching that she does everything? Is she picking on your hobbies?
You're below 200 on leadership, mission, and masculine direction. No amount of helping to take out the trash or change diapers will make up for a lack of direction purpose and leadership.
Is she never in the mood for sex?
You're below the line on masculinity and attractiveness. You're not confident. You're not powerful. Maybe you have a terrible looking "dad bod" and have stopped doing the attractive things you did when you were single. No amount of helping with household chores or picking the kids up from school will make up for being a whiny emasculated skinny jeans wearing "dad bod" rocking wimp.
Is she just a terrible narcissist and always has been?
Is she an angry bitch no matter what you do? Then you chose poorly, and you're below 200 on common fucking sense. NOTHING can make up for that. Ditch her and go back to square one.
Now I think you're beginning to see how this Mendoza Line thing works.
If you're bad enough in a critical area, you're out. Nothing can make up for it.
Like I said, a lot of this might not be your fault. But it is your responsibility.
No matter where you are, you are responsible to identify where you're weak and fix it.
Take some time. Reflect. Maybe journal on where you're below the line.
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