I'm always asking guys what their number one pain is, either in dating success or in their current ongoing relationship.
I guess it's only fair that I share with you MY greatest pain.
The long game.
You see, I'm in a long-term relationship - going on 5 and a half years.
It's kind of my unofficial second marriage.
I established this relationship by being dominant, acting like a man, making decisions, opening doors, taking control in the bedroom and hanging back, making absolutely certain her want for me was greater than my want for her.
That, by the way, is the proper balance in any relationship between a man and a woman.
The challenge is that, after that much time together and living together for 2 and a half years, she's sees me. All of me. The good. The bad. The ugly.
They say familiarity breeds contempt.
It takes constant vigilance to keep the sexual tension alive - to remember its importance.
It takes constant vigilance to be present and LISTEN. And to pay close attention to what is going on in her life.
Getting a woman is fucking EASY.
(ANY guy can be attractive for a month or three.)
Keeping one, and keeping the relationship growing and healthy? Well...
...That's what separates the men from the boys.
Staying ever vigilant and picking myself up when I fall...
...THAT is my greatest challenge.
You see, she fell in love with the man I USED TO BE.
The man who had a purpose. The man who had chutzpah. The man who had options and kept her guessing.
That's the man that does it for any woman.
The problem is that we become a victim of our own success. We secure the woman too well. She commits to us. She becomes devoted.
And we fall into the trap of feeling safe. Then we get lazy. That's where it gets dangerous.
Oh, we think we're doing things right, taking care of the house, taking care of business, taking care of the kids, taking care of HER.
But we become more predictable. We become more caretaking. We become less exciting.
That's the fate of the poor beta provider.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
In August things had gotten so bad that I asked her to move out.
I was done feeling distant, rejected, disconnected. She tearfully complied.
And four days later, packed her bags and drove to California.
I figured that was the end of 5 years - right down the toilet.
But something funny happened...
Yes familiarity breeds contempt, but there's another saying equally true:
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
This email is getting a little long, I'll finish the story in my next installment.
To your success,
PS - The story gets very interesting from here. Healing. Miracles. And some lows too. But through it all, I got myself back.
You see, simply leaving a situation and moving on accomplishes NOTHING. You will take your negative patterns, limiting beliefs, and shitty relationship story to your next woman. And the one after that. And the one after that.
Your failure patterns will repeat until you go inside and actually get your shit straight.
It's the hardest work you will ever do, and I'm going to start telling you about it.
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