A woman isn't a band-aid.
A good relationship with a high caliber woman is a bonus, an add-on to an already awesome life.
That's the only way relationships and marriages can really succeed over time.
We forget that as time goes on and make our wives the center of our existence. When that happens, we lose the essence of what made us attractive in the beginning.
...And we wonder why attraction fades over time.
I see it all the time in both perpetually single guys and guys who are recently divorced or out of a long term relationship....
They make it their chief aim in life to get a woman because they think SHE (whoever the hell she ends up being) will make them happy. Will cure the loneliness. Will make it all better just like mommy did when they were a kid.
The woman is essentially a band-aid for a broken existence.
That's frighteningly co-dependent and frighteningly COMMON.
If you've got out-points and problems in your personality and in your life, the presence of a woman will magnify those things not diminish them.
More like fanning flames than a band-aid.
So how do we actually get things going in the right direction?
Get better. Get awesome in fact. Get obsessed with the process of doing that.
Attraction is about attracting. Not about going and getting, bending to your will or coercing.
When you look at it that way, the pressure disappears.
When you master yourself, you'll master your relationships.
And yes, you could circumvent my advice here, go on Tinder, swipe right and probably find some easy punani.
But that wouldn't do you much good either. I mean that's great for a twenty-year-old kid who's excited just to get some, but for guys like us who've lived life for more than 5 minutes, empty, disconnected mechanical sex is disappointing and a waste of our time.
Don't believe me? Go try it.
This would be as appropriate a time as any to give you DK's three-point plan for online dating success.
I was just sharing this with a friend so it's fresh in my mind and it's perfect to round out today's newsletter (you'll see why in a second).
Here it is:
1. Delete ALL the dating apps on your phone and computer.
And I mean all.
Don't do any more online dating. It sucks, and you know it.
This will remove an unbelievable amount of stress from your life.
2. Create an exciting, awesome life.
This is the most crucial step, and this is where you spend the majority of your time.
Deleting all those apps will take less than five minutes.
This step could take a couple of years. It doesn't really matter because it is by far the most important and nothing else will work without it. So this step is where you will live for a while.
If you don't get out much, start getting out. Join clubs and organizations. Go to events.
Get involved in some sort of quest.
My one prerequisite is that it has to be SOCIAL. You gotta get out of the house and meet people.
If you don't even know where to start, try meetup.com. You can find all kinds of interesting people to meet and stuff to do.
It will get you in the habit of getting out and interacting with people.
I've had great success hosting meetups for clubs, organizations, and special interests.
On that note (and this is kind of step 2.1) start becoming a HOST. YOU be the leader. Put clubs and groups together.
Have the gang over to your place. You take the lead.
This is KEY. This is a powerful secret of success. Especially for men.
At this point, you're probably not sad lonely and going in a downward spiral anymore. You probably have a pretty cool life and picked up some great friends along the way.
Yay! Now you can move on to step three.
3. Now that you have become someone who is interesting and exciting and who knows how to take the lead, open your eyes and look around you.
There are women in your social circle looking at you with googly eyes because you dominate and you are a leader. You are exactly the thing her DNA is programmed to lock down.
Good job. Now go ahead and pick one (or two if you're into that - you freak).
When you do that it will be easy. It will be effortless.
Women make it EASY when they like you.
Really. They do.
That's why we're getting you so likable. Do that, and all this other dating shit that used to seem so hard gets easier.
...And when you are having all that fantastic hot connection, it will be easy, fun, not stressful and NOT the center of your whole damned existence.
Because she's not a band-aid.
She's a bonus. A cherry on top of an already fantastic life.
And with that, I bid you adieu for now.
The game is on!
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