A woman's sexual desire cannot be negotiated.
In the last article, I outlined the pathetic reality of the modern feminized husband. Weak, soft, rocking a skinny fat "dad bod." Not making a decision, letting his wife run things and run all over him.
This "modern husband" (i.e., Complete douchebag) finds himself in a situation where his wife's sexual desire for him disappears.
Often neither one of them understands why.
The husband, desperate to do whatever is necessary to reinvigorate his wife's sexual passion for him, will resort to attempting to gain it back through negotiation.
This is the male natural response to problems. We rely heavily on our logical nature when faced with difficulty.
In his book, The Rational Male, Rollo Tomassi describes the man's logical thought processes of attempting to negotiate his wife's sexual desires for him like this (paraphrased):
I desire sex with my wife -> only my wife can give me the sex I desire -> query wife about her conditions for giving sex -> meet her conditions for giving sex -> get the sex I need.
Logical and straightforward, to be sure. But it doesn't work.
The wife is oblivious to the root of the problem. She has no idea that her lack of sex drive stems from her husband's failure to live out his masculine nature. So she'll falsely presume her drained sexual appetite is associated with her overwhelming household responsibilities (or some other false flag).
'Fair enough,' the husband thinks. 'I can do the dishes and laundry if it means bringing regular sex back to my marriage.'
The husband agrees to the conditions. He promises to take on a greater share of the household chores in exchange for more frequent sex.
Unfortunately for him, this doesn't do anything to genuinely reinvigorate his wife's sexual passion for him, because it fails to treat the root cause of the problem: his slumping masculinity.
Even if the end result is more sex for the husband, his wife is only "giving it up" out of a sense of obligation, and not a genuine desire to GET IT ON. The sex will only be a half-hearted experience that gives the man a sexual release without satisfying his innermost need to be desired sexually by his wife.
To put it bluntly: You can compel your wife by negotiation to comply with behaving in a desired manner, but you cannot make her want to behave that way through the process of negotiation.
Even a prostitute will agree to provide a man sex after the right conditions are negotiated, but it doesn't mean sex is what she wants from him.
Reclaiming your masculinity is a prerequisite for garnering the sexual attention of your wife. It's really the only prerequisite.
This can require a drastic shift in thought and behavior on your part. Depending on how far down the feminized path you've strayed, it may take a number of months for exhibiting masculine characteristics to flow naturally for you.
Be warned. Your wife is likely to be resistant when your repressed masculinity begins welling up to the surface. Don't be surprised by this.
She derives comfort in your predictability. This change in behavior won't go unnoticed by her.
While the positive changes that take place in your life are going to upset the apple cart at the outset, you must stay the course. Your wife will eventually adapt, embrace your new masculine posture, and you'll find her contentment in her relationship with you stronger than ever.
Talk is not enough. You must lead by your actions.
Demanding your wife to start respecting you as the masculine leader in your home is not going to end well for you.
You must earn this position. And it may take time to divulge the weak and passive reputation you've developed for yourself within your marriage.
Beneficial change of any kind takes time and consistent effort. Establishing yourself as the masculine leader of your home is no different. There aren't any shortcuts. You have to put in the work.
It will take time. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done.
Let me start with a few pointers:
Stop saying "I don't know" and "It's up to you."
It's impossible for you to project yourself as a leader while also being indecisive. Remove indecisive phrases from your vocabulary.
This is what leaders do. It's what your wife wants you to do. It's better for you to make any decision in the moment than to not make one at all.
The goal isn't to be domineering. It's to show your wife and the rest of the family that you're engaged in family decisions.
Have opinions and engage in conversations with your wife about matters of both great and negligible importance.
When your wife asks where you'd like to go eat, make a decision. Better yet, take the initiative to communicate where you're planning on going before she has a chance to ask.
Don't leave decisions up to her alone.
If she doesn't like your decision, it's okay to rethink it and come to a mutually agreeable one. Just don't push the ball solely into her court...
...This isn't what a leader does. It's what a peon does, and it projects emasculated weakness.
Being decisive shows initiative and confidence - even when the decision isn't a perfect one. Any decision or suggestion is infinitely better than no decision at all. Your wife will take notice.
PS - need some help with this? I got you covered. Take a few minutes and check out my video here.
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.
Get the latest content and news, and and special members only offers.
Be the first to find out about about new training, products and opportunities to turn you life around and kick ass!