"If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't." ~ Chuck Palahniuk (author of Fight Club)
In life, business, and relationships, failure usually comes due to the inability to answer one simple question:
"What do you want?"
Knowing the answer clearly and concisely can be the difference between a guy wallowing in limbo for years and a guy who quickly and consciously moves forward.
I know because I've experienced both.
And for today's newsletter, I'm not talking about when you've got a menu in your hand, and the waitress says, "Do you know what you want?"
If you can't even figure out what you want for lunch, go ahead and slap yourself.
What I'm talking about is the utter lack of vision that results in a guy who is facing an ongoing, disinterested, icy chill from his wife.
Whenever we ask a guy like that, "Do you know what you want?" he answers quickly:
I'm tired of her ignoring me.
I'm sick of feeling like her last priority.
I'm don't want to live another 20 yrs like a roommate.
I don't want this to come crashing down on me and destroy my family!
Did you notice he didn't answer the question? He listed things he doesn't want and is focused solely on what he's not getting.
You get what you think about most of the time. Period and without exception.
So, I ask again, "Do you know what you want?"
And he'll usually say something like; "I want things to go back to the way they were in the beginning!"
Don't we all. The beginning of a relationship HAS to be what it is, or men would never play ball.
Everything changes over time. In the honeymoon phase, her brain is firing dopamine hits nonstop, and she can't keep her hands off you.
Well so is a heroine rush. The problem is that both of these are chemically induced and both pass in time.
I always like to say, "any two idiots can fall in love." It's a chemical high - a rush.
Nature designed it that way so we'd do a lot of fucking and have babies. But nature's a bitch. Remember this is the same mother nature that lets the lions eat the pretty little gazelles.
She doesn't give two shits about the gazelles, and she doesn't care about your feelings after you deposit your seed.
I know It's so unfair like false advertising. Men get into relationships thinking this is awesome; this is exactly what I want!!!
That early phase is like an introductory 0% APR. It doesn't last.
Longevity is up to us.
"So, WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
A smile every now and then would be nice.
Be more open and honest with each other.
Feel a spark of desire to be in the same room and breathe the same air.
Kindness and a little affection would be cool too.
By the time we finish the conversation, he gets clearer, and he might say:
What I want is a real relationship where both of us assume the best in each other and try on a daily basis to keep a connection going. I want a relationship based on mutual trust, respect, support, and desire to be partners. I want a relationship where we share a common experience of life and also have the freedom to explore our own interests and then come back together to share those experiences.
Now we're talking! That's something you can actually do something about.
And something I usually suggest he add:
A relationship in which I set forth a powerful direction, and she willingly follows, secure, safe, and trusting in my masculine direction.
Women need a strong man who lays down a direction she feels confident in following. It's how she gets the feels. And THAT is how you move beyond the honeymoon phase.
PS - Let me show you how the dynamics between men and women are playing out and affecting your life. You'll see what you can do to immediately improve your situation and when the clouds clear, you'll be able to define very clearly what you want - and get it.
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