My business, my blog, and my entire online presences are called "The Alpha Shift."
You read that and think this guy thinks he knows how we can all be "Alpha Males" or some such thing like that.
I suppose. I'm trying. But as I grow and evolve, as I'm always doing, the definition of that changes.
We took the term from nature. For instance, the alpha male of a wolf pack is stronger than the other males and mates with most of the females.
He is strong. His genes are desirable. And we try to juxtapose these values onto human relationships. We want to be the alpha male in of own worlds so our wives girlfriends and everyone else will value us above all others. They'll want to have our children not some else's.
Here's what it has come to mean to me:
It's the picture above.
It's the man who can go into the mountains and kill his food, carry it home with blood dripping from his hands, abundantly feed and provide for his family, then make love to his woman.
Famous American actress Kristen Bell is a real bitch.
Sarah Marshall, Veronica Mars, and the voice of Princess Anna from Disney's "Frozen" has depression issues and a tendency to "fight badly", slam doors, and leave the house when she gets into fights with her husband.
This is all by her own account. I'm not making it up, and no one else is accusing her.
In this video, I want you to listen to how Bell describes her actor husband, Dax Shepard and how he handled this tendency to "fight badly."
He simply told her, "I have more respect for myself than that, and that's just not going to happen."
And he didn't care if that meant losing her or not.
This is a guy who knows what he wants and when he's willing to take a stand. He won't accept toxic fighting, plain and simple.
What a great example of how owning your shit and being strong looks.
And Kristen said in the interview how HOT it was that he wouldn't take her shit.
The truth is indeed found in reality....
"If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't." ~ Chuck Palahniuk (author of Fight Club)
In life, business, and relationships, failure usually comes due to the inability to answer one simple question:
"What do you want?"
Knowing the answer clearly and concisely can be the difference between a guy wallowing in limbo for years and a guy who quickly and consciously moves forward.
I know because I've experienced both.
And for today's newsletter, I'm not talking about when you've got a menu in your hand, and the waitress says, "Do you know what you want?"
If you can't even figure out what you want for lunch, go ahead and slap yourself.
What I'm talking about is the utter lack of vision that results in a guy who is facing an ongoing, disinterested, icy chill from his wife.
Whenever we ask a guy like that, "Do you know what you want?" he answers quickly:
I'm tired of her ignoring me.
I'm sick of feeling like her last priority.
I'm don't want to live...
Power always wins.
Confidence always wins.
Masculine presence always wins.
Do not listen when women say they want a sensitive enlightened guy.
Don't listen to the nonsense about masculinity being toxic.
The world has gone batshit crazy.
That doesn't mean you have to.
I'm sharing with you today a post that a woman posted on Reddit. It's about the guy she in a long term relationship with.
Here it is. Let's take a look, and then I'll comment:
When I first started dating my guy, he was this sensitive hippie chef who wooed me with French toast and Ben Harper playing from his broken TV. I was 18 and tired of the hyper-masculine BS that then dudes around me were trying to fake. He was exactly what I wanted, which was an artist just manly enough to pin me against a wall and make me feel safe.
Now, 9 years later, he's a rough and gruff manly man. He's so sure of himself and his ability to do damn near anything. He has this "sure, I can do that"...
Thoughtful, enlightened men that we are these days, we care entirely too much what women think.
And in doing so, we literally abdicate ALL of our power.
So what do I mean by power?
I'm talking about the kind of power a man needs to CREATE ATTRACTION.
The kind of power a man needs to LEAD others to places of emotional safety, respect, and passion.
The kind of power a man requires to meet the woman of his dreams or stay married to her.
You can't do that when you're always second-guessing yourself, worried about what she'll think.
It's often said that "He who cares the LEAST, has the most power in a relationship."
I would say it like this:
"He who cannot care less about what she thinks of him has the most power over himself."
It is the lack of power over himself that is the very source of his inabilities to attract, inspire, lead, or seduce the woman in his life or those he wants in his life.
This power is NOT about caring less about HER, it's about caring less...
There is a big push today in the cultural zeitgeist for men and women to become "conscious" about their intimate relationships. Men want to be more vulnerable, women want a man who can hold space for all of her, the good the bad and the ugly. Blah. Blah. Blah.
Honestly, I think this is good and does have its place.
... It would seem in many circles, men have become too "soft," and women have become too "wild."
The balance is off.
Before you get too carried away finding your wings, being conscious and authentic and all of that, I need to remind you never to forget your roots:
You're an animal.
When it comes to your sexuality (and hers), you have to remember that you are an animal and subject to the base instincts of an animal.
You are an animal that operates according to inbuilt biology. Yes, society tempers that, but it's there.
And if you're an animal, your wife (or girlfriend, partner or whatever) must be too.
That means your kids are animals, and...
There is a very specific reason that women lose attraction for men.
Have you ever started dating your dream girl? I mean, you hit the home run this time. She's beautiful and cool. Sexy and yet down to earth. She even bought you that Mike Trout rookie card for your birthday that you really wanted.
She starts backing off. At first, it's just a little and then more and more. And then the talk. I need space. We need some time apart. I need to figure myself out.
Here's an email I recieved from a young kid named Josh whow just went through this:
My girlfriend and I are taking space from each other right now, and I would love to hear some words of advice and your opinion on our matter.
We have been together for a year and a half now, and we go to the same University. We see each other a lot, (after talking about it, I came to realize it was too much), and we were very loving, caring, and affectionate until...
As men, our obsession with sex is our weakness.
It is the single most powerful cause of ruination in our lives.
Think about it:
How many bad decisions have we made to get or keep access to a woman's vagina?
And let me give you one point of clarification:
Sex isn't just about penis in vagina, pumping back and forth - it's the polarity of masculine and feminine energy and the satisfaction and validation we get from that.
...And yes, also the intimacy and the penis in vagina sex.
Married men compromise and become cowards, afraid of meeting with their wives disapproval.
Single men endlessly swipe right, go to clubs and plot and plan to "get" a woman because somehow this prize he thinks will make him happy.
...They waste time that could be much better spent building their life mission and career because their desire is so strong.
Look, at the DNA level, we are designed to find young nubile feminine women with a great hip to waist ratio who are healthy and strong...
Many men I hear from are stuck in the "Limbo Land" of a marriage that is spiraling out of control with no resolution in sight...
...Or they may feel trapped in a job or career that is sucking their soul out of their body on a daily basis.
Or they want to speak their truth to somebody so badly it's eating them alive and keeping them in a dark, angry place.
They're stuck. It's hard for them to move and take action.
So, how do you make a hard decision?
How do you break free from the fear of outcome and the fear of someone's reaction?
The answer is to simply make your NEXT decision. Just make it.
Like Nike used to say: Just do it.
Just say it. Just state precisely what you're thinking and what you want.
The act of making a decision ALWAYS CREATES MOVEMENT IN SOME DIRECTION.
The frustration of indecision is caused by the fear that nothing will ever change. But if you decide to create movement...something will change. And if you choose to do nothing...nothing will...
In the last few articles, I've talked at length about how to increase your value as a man and become way more badass.
I've talked about increasing your intelligence and competence, the power of being positive and supportive, and the incredible importance of physical fitness and dressing well.
This is powerful and worth doing in its own right.
Becoming a better you is its own reward. It changes the way you feel about yourself, and that ultimately changes the way others feel about you.
But in the meantime...
You guys in relationships may be disappointed to hear that doing everything I've recommended to this point may not have your wife or girlfriend ripping your clothes off twice a day for a romp in the sack.
She may very well want to, but she's just not sure how to go about expressing her renewed sexual desire for you. Like everything else in marriage, as a masculine husband, you need to take the lead and assert yourself in the bedroom.
So what to do?
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